Everything is poetry, baby
by atasteofarmageddon
Summary: One sided Seblaine, or Sebastian angst, or just a short drabble with Sebastian feels. Whatever you want to call it.


**A/N: Written for the tumblr people who provide me with Grant's face on a daily basis. I needed to make Sebastian human in my head so this happened. Enjoy.**

-o-

The first time it happens Sebastian is entirely unprepared. It's during Warbler practice and he's struggling with the routine, not that he'd ever admit it. _Uptown girl_ is a fairly good song and sure, Nick is a good singer, but frankly, Sebastian is bored.

And that's when it happens. Suddenly someone is in the doorway, and that's when he feels it. It's like a kick in the gut, like a wonderful kick in the gut that doesn't hurt, it just knocks him over. He doesn't know if he will ever be able to get up again.

The boy is beautiful. Sebastian has never really thought about boys as beautiful before, they were always hot or sexy, but most importantly, they were _prey_. He doesn't want this boy to be prey though. He wants this boy to be his.

The boy's name is Blaine Anderson and his eyes are a lovely hazel and he's sex on a stick but Sebastian doesn't want that. He doesn't want Blaine's body - well, maybe a little, but he wants everything else too. He wants every single thing that Blaine is so _why_ is he acting like a jackass? It just slips out, all of it, and he can't help it. He's so used to saying these things, it's like word vomit, it just comes.

By the end of their meeting he thinks they might have had coffee. He's not sure because Blaine's lips are more interesting to look at and his eyes are dark brown so Sebastian might have confused them with coffee. _Warbler to Warbler_, he says, and Blaine looks like he doesn't know how to react.

The second time they meet is more relaxed. Sebastian has prepared for it to the point where it's ridiculous, but it doesn't seem to help because on the outside he's a douchebag and on the inside he's keeping a rambling monologue about Blaine's adorably dorky clothes.

When those words reaches his ears he's taken completely off guard. _I have a boyfriend_. He didn't expect it to hurt, but it does, it _burns_. And it doesn't help that he can totally see the appeal, Kurt is indeed very pretty. But that word makes something itch in Sebastian's chest. _Boyfriend_. He has never liked the term, but oh God, he wants to be that for Blaine.

It gets harder to concentrate on things in general after that. Because Blaine haunts his thoughts and his mind and he can almost feel physical pain.

Then there's Scandals. He's not sure what he wants from it; he knows Kurt is going to come along, but all he really wants is to see Blaine so it's totally worth it. It's going well, really, and they dance even though Blaine is sort of a goober on the dance floor. None of them cares.

It's bound to happen though; Kurt is bound to interfere. Being the third wheel isn't Sebastian's thing, so he leaves and he drinks way too much because it makes everything easier. Seeing them so close together makes him nauseous and it tears something inside him. Not necessarily because Kurt has Blaine, but because they have each other.

Most of the meetings after that are very short, perhaps even insignificant, because he doesn't have enough time to calm down and he has absolutely no idea what he says. Blaine visits Dalton regularly; sometimes Kurt joins him. Sebastian avoids them. He'd rather avoid Blaine completely than seeing him happy with someone who's not him.

The Warblers notice, of course they do. He might be a jerk to most of them, but they're friends, and for some stupid reason they actually care. Some of them pat him on the shoulder when Blaine walks out of the choir room one afternoon, and Jeff, who is admittedly very cute, even asks if he wants to talk. He says no because talking means feelings and he doesn't do that on the outside.

And they don't stop, the feelings. They're always there, every single time they have coffee and every time Blaine joins the Warblers for a movie night. Sebastian wants to put his arm around his shoulders on those occasions but he can't because that's not the kind of thing he does and Blaine is not his.

It's several months later when he decides to move on. He can't keep doing this even though Kurt leaves for New York in just a few months and Blaine will be left in Lima. It's insane, this feeling of giving up, but he needs to, because he can't keep this up.

They're on a bench in the park when he realizes that he never had a chance anyway. Blaine is talking about Kurt and all of a sudden he turns to Sebastian and his pretty eyes are storming with emotion and he says: "Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?"

And Sebastian nods because he totally

definitely

and absolutely has.


End file.
